Vacation & Goooooooaaaal!

Things are going good in the Gillispie household. We just went on vacation to Florida and it was AMAZING. This was the 4th time I have been there, and besides my honeymoon....this was the BEST vacation I've ever been on. My in-laws are just the greatest and helped out so much with the boys. Drew and I were actually able to go and spend quite a bit of alone time together....it was much needed.

About a month before we left for vacation, I had set a goal for myself that I would get down 12 more lbs (yes, I realize that is A LOT in one month, especially after already being on a diet for 4 months), now thinking about it....it was kind of an unrealistic goal. Instead I ended up losing 6 more, which I was still very happy with. That made it a total of 39 lbs lost since I first started this whole ordeal (65 lbs from my very largest weight). While on vacation, I ate anything and EVERYTHING I wanted....fried fish, french fries, onion rings...we also spent about $80 in the candy store there (don't judge...my husband has a MAJOR sweet tooth, and I still have more than half of my bag, which my brother-in-law got into and ate most of). Needless to say, when I got home and stepped on the scale. I was not very happy. I was up those 6 lbs that I had just lost. It took me a month to lose them and 9 days to gain them back. Time to get serious....It's been a week since I've been home and I am now down those 6 lbs + 1. Which means, I have lost 40 lbs!! That is goal #2 ladies and gentleman....time to do something nice for myself! I have actually already decided that I am going to get myself some of the "It works" wraps...hopefully it will help out with some of this nasty loose skin I've developed after losing all this weight.

I know I have said this before in one of my blogs, but there is nothing better than having someone tell you that you have been an inspiration to them to lose weight. I have several people on my friends list who are doing an awesome job with their weight loss. Shout out to Sara and Christy...you guys are doing amazing! Keep up the good work!

Slowly...but surely...

It's been a little over a month since I posted last. The newness of my lifestyle change has started to wear off and I've caught myself slipping back into my old ways. Easter was the downfall...candy and yummy food everywhere! I was really bad....I ate whatever I wanted and then some. My body let me know that it was NOT ok...because it made me sick....sorry for the TMI, but it kept me in the bathroom most of the day. I even missed Cadyn hunting Easter eggs because of it :( After that, I kinda got in a 2 week funk...I just didn't feel like sticking to my diet. I still made healthier choices than I would have a few months ago, but I was far from actually eating what I should have been....I gained 3 lbs.

This past Saturday I said "enough is enough"...I STILL have a lot more weight to lose and if I don't do it this time, I never will. So, now I'm back on my diet. I haven't really necessarily been counting calories, but more really just eating less and healthier....Literally after being on my diet for 1 whole day...I had gotten that extra 3 lbs off. I have been back on my diet for about 5 days (and some hours) now and I have dropped those 3 lbs + 2 more. A lb a day...I'll take it. Guess those 2 weeks my metabolism got a shock and I got it started again. For those people who say that it's not healthy to lose that much that quickly...buzz off. I'm NOT doing anything unhealthy, I'm not starving myself, and I'm not on any fad/crash diet. When you are obese...cause let's be honest, that's what I am according to what my actual weight is...the weight comes off, naturally, a lot faster.

Monday, I received a text telling me how I was an inspiration for other people wanting to lose weight...that was awesome hearing and really helped me realize that...yes, I am doing this mainly for myself, but helping people along the way is a major PLUS. Several people have called, texted, commented or messaged me on facebook telling me that they are inspired...to those people, I want to say thank you, because you saying that has actually helped inspire me to keep going.

I know that I haven't actually posted what my weight is/was....and I probably won't until I get down to a weight where it's not so embarrassing, but I AM going to post a picture of me then and now....in hopes that it might actually motivate me a little bit more...I took the first picture purely for myself...so I could look back at it and remember what I USE to be, I never actually thought that I would post it on the internet for all of the world to see (obviously...no makeup & hair is a mess), but maybe it'll help someone else so I guess I'll suck up my pride and post it. The second one was from Easter and I obviously had no idea I was going to be using it as a comparison photo, but it was really the only side view picture that I have from recently...soooooo...here it is...

Crazy, right? I have lost another 2 lbs so I am at a total loss of 28lbs as of this morning. Yay! Go me. I have 12 more lbs to go until my next goal. Gotta just keep myself motivated.

GOOOOOAAAAAL!

SOOOOOOOOOO happy right now! I have finally hit my first goal! I started my diet 5 weeks ago today and I am down 20 lbs! I was actually really scared that I wasn't going to lose my 2lbs this week (my goal for every week). I didn't do the best that I possibly could this last week. I didn't do BAD per say...just not good. My appetite has been little larger and we did a lot of eating out at restaurants. I'm still making healthier choices though and still eating a lot less than I was. I wouldn't say that I fell off the wagon...I still tried to stay under 800 calories, but I didn't necessarily keep a count on them. Obviously I did just fine though, being that I'm still 3 lbs down from last week.

Last week I went shopping for something to wear to a wedding. It was still just as frustrating as it always was, that was a kick in the butt. I just wanted to cry. Here I am busting my rear end trying to lose all this weight, trying on clothes should be getting easier, right? I felt pretty defeated and frustrated....but instead of eating away my sorrow (which is what I would have done 2 months ago), it just motivated me more to keep going. I will say though...I HATE the clothes that are in style right now. I understand that I am not a "junior" anymore, but good grief...what is up with all of the NEON?! My eyes hurt after walking into Rue 21 (first mistake). Last time I was able to even shop in a Rue 21 like store...I guess I was still a "junior," but their clothes are AWFUL! (sorry if you shop there...it's just not for me)

The other day while I was at home and decided to bust out some old clothes just to see if they fit. These are clothes that are back from my college days, mainly just t-shirts...no I do not still own any size 2 clothes back from my high school days like some of my friends think I do lol. I'm a pack rat, but I have gotten rid of my high school clothes (except for a couple of t-shirts, that I eventually want to make a t-shirt quilt out of). Much to my surprise...they fit! At least the shirts do...the pants on the other hand...I still have a little bit to go, being that most of my weight is in my abdomen area (the joys of motherhood). I have gone down 2 shirt sizes....and sadly...I'm pretty sure I've gone down in bra size too (sorry if you're a male & reading this)....but really!? Why can't I lose the preggo pooch before the boobs? I don't mind if I lose some of the boobs, but can't they be the last things to go?

I still have a lot of weight to get off...my ultimate goal is to lose another 65 lbs...I will be a STICK if I lose that though...& really...I don't care to be skinny, just healthy and happy (and be able to walk into any store I want to and find clothes that fit). So, I will be happy with another 40...but I'm not gonna stop from there. My next big goal is another 20...after that I will reward myself again :) Right now, I've got to think of what I am going to reward myself with this time! I'm thinking a massage may be in the works for this next week. I deserve it!

One Month

Today marks one month that I have changed my lifestyle. It's not a diet....diets are just fads. This is a complete lifestyle change. I use to eat whatever and whenever I wanted. I am now making MUCH healthier choices and also...literally...eating about 3/4 less than what I use to. It's amazing how quickly I fill up now, and you know what? I quit eating when I'm full! What a concept!

::drumroll please::

I am officially down 17 lbs! Ladies & gentleman...that's 4 weeks of work....and not even exercising. Just changing my eating habits. Why didn't I do this sooner?! Actually, I know why....I have, for a very long time, wanted to lose weight SO badly, but I just couldn't do it, I couldn't get into it and just couldn't find the motivation to do it. This time is different. It JUST CLICKED, I know that's not a very good reason, but that's the truth, it has to click. I have no wants or desires to even eat unhealthy anymore....it's NOT worth it. Sure, when my husband brought in a cinnaboli (YUM) from Mazzio's I wanted it....but then again...I really didn't. A little sugar & cinammon was not worth the guilt that I would have endured later for a very short, temporary fix.

I am now 3 lbs under prepregnancy weight with Cadyn...and 3 lbs away from my first BIG goal! You better believe when I get these next 3 lbs off, I will be celebrating...not with food though, like I use to celebrate everything (I like the saying "You're not a dog, don't reward yourself with food"). I will most likely go get a massage, or mani/pedi....or something very girly :)

I still have a long way to go though....about 70 more lbs until my ultimate goal (yes, I really am THAT big), but I am SUPER proud of myself for the progress I've made this far.

GO ME!

2 weeks

Today marks 2 weeks since I started my diet. I am officially down 10 lbs! I am super proud of myself. 10 more lbs to go until my first goal!

Some days are harder than others. When Drew is gone and I stay home all day with the boys....things are soooo much easier. I can really watch what I'm eating at home, but when we go "into town" (Tulsa), things are a little more difficult because we are eating out, but even then with all of the awesome weight loss apps that are out there I am able to see what the nutritional value is for most restaurants. The hardest part so far is eating someone else's cooking....I go over to my in-laws quite a bit for dinner, and Sundays we go to my parents house for lunch. It's not always the healthiest food to eat, but I can't NOT eat. The things that I've tried to do to help is...get VERY small portions of the unhealthy stuff and a little bit bigger portions of something that is a little healthier. I eat the healthy thing first and then veeeeeeery slowly eat everything else. Eating slow helps a great deal because you fill up faster when you eat slow.

This no salt business has also been a little difficult for me. I am the girl that salts anything and everything before I even taste it. I LOVE salt. I tried using the brand "No-Salt", but it was just disgusting. It leaves a horrible chemical-like after taste. I also tried Ms. Dash...it was nasty also. My cousin suggested that I try Celtic Sea Salt, but I haven't had a chance to go into town and grab some yet, so that is my next thing I will try. For now, I'm still salting a little bit, but not near as much as I was before and I am at least tasting it first :) .....baby steps.

My lunches have consisted of Lean Cuisines, Smart Ones, & Healthy Choice frozen meals. Those are great (well, some of them), and I have been searching Pinterest for healthy recipes. I absolutely love to cook, but I always cooked with things like butter, oil, sour cream, heavy whipping cream, & etc, so I have been learning healthier substitutes for these kind of things. (ps...I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Spray is AMAZING). Drew was kinda nervous about my changes in cooking, but so far the recipes I've found look really good, so hopefully he will like the change.

I haven't started exercising yet, but it is in the plans. It's very hard to do when you have 2 babies. I live in a small town that has maybe 2 gyms, one is Curves (if that is even considered a gym) and the other is a small gym where I believe is only weight lifting. I even live out on a dirt road, so taking the boys out on a walk with the stroller is out of the question. I do have a WiiFit and have done a little bit on it, but my next move is to get Zumba for my Wii. That way I can work out here in my own home and not have to worry about finding a babysitter for the boys just to go workout.

All in all things are going pretty good, I'm happy with the 10 lbs I've lost and I'm definitely looking forward to getting the next 10 off and hitting my first goal.

A New Me

I'm really horrible at keeping up with this whole blogging business. It's really hard to find time to write when you have 2 children under 2.

That being said, a lot is going on in my life right now. Grayson is now 4 months old and Cadyn will be 2 in a month. When they say treasure the moments because time goes by fast...they weren't kidding. Grayson is growing so much. He's gained 10 lbs since birth and apparently is super long for his age....where he got the height from...I'm still unsure. He's hitting all of his milestones regardless of being a month early. He's happy, easy going, & full of personality.

Cadyn...on the other hand is hyper, ornery, very loving, & smart as a tack. I know all parents say their children are smart...but really...he is. The boy already knows all of his animals and the sounds they make, colors, shapes, he can recognize the WHOLE alphabet, and can count to 14 and recognize the numbers too. He amazes me every day at all of the new stuff he has learned. He also has a very large vocabulary...even though I'm about the only person that can understand him :)

Ok...onto what this post was originally supposed to be about, but what kind of mother would I be if I didn't talk about my kids first? After I had Cadyn, I swore to myself that I would NOT get pregnant again until I had lost enough weight to be down to AT LEAST my prepregnancy size (which by the way was still WAY TOO BIG). I swore that I would not be one of those women who gave birth, didn't lose the weight, then had another child, and just gets bigger from there. Well....I did just what I said I wouldn't do. I still had 14lbs of baby fat and BAM...I got pregnant again. I did pretty good with the weight gain with Grayson...only put on about 17 lbs (30 with Cadyn), and after I had him the weight just seemed to start falling off. Then it just stopped. Last week I was at prepregnancy weight with Grayson....so here I am on this journey to start actually losing the weight...because obviously sitting around my house playing with my boys and snacking all day wasn't doing the trick. I'm on a strict 800 calorie a day diet. It really hasn't been as hard as I thought it was going to be....I guess because I'm just so motivated to do it. I finally just got so fed up with being fat. Let me give you a few reasons why being fat sucks...1) I HATE seeing people I know from when I used to be skinny. I know in the back of their heads they are judging me for gaining weight. 2) I HATE having to shop in specialty stores...I can't just walk into any store I want to and find a cute outfit. I have to go into plus size stores and even then, I never find anything cute because I just don't feel cute being fat. 3) I want my husband to be proud of me....yes, I know he loves me no matter what I look like, but I want to go out with him and be proud to show me off. 4) I just want to be healthy. 5) I want to be able to do things with my boys....being fat really slows you down and enables you to do A LOT of things.

I'm less than a week into my diet and have already lost 7 lbs. I'm really proud of myself and there is nothing more motivating then stepping on the scale and watching the number decrease. I am going to try to keep up with the blogging just for the sheer purpose of keeping myself accountable and also so I can look back and watch my progress. I'm trying to do things in short term goals....13 more lbs until my first goal is hit! Wish me luck!

Welcome, Grayson Timothy Gillispie!

Well this past weekend has been a crazy one for SURE. Grayson decided it was his time to come on out. I definitely was not expecting him this early, I mean, his room isn't even finished. I guess I will go ahead and tell you how my weekend went and about his birth. I will go ahead and put out a disclaimer because, I type like I talk and I spare no details. So, if you don't like gory details....go ahead and click the X at the top cause this blog is not for you.

We'll just start on Saturday (10-01-11) cause that's when the fun stuff happens.

I had stayed in Stillwater on Friday night with the Johnson crew. Hailey (Drew's little sister) had the state cheerleading competition in Stillwater on Saturday, so I thought I would go down a night early and hang out with Dusti just so I didn't have to wake up on Saturday and drive there. Plus, I figured that would be the last time I could do that before Grayson arrives...cause once he gets here, it is going to be rather difficult to just pack up and go stay the night with people. With Cadyn it works out great because him and Jayci play so good together.

So, on Saturday we went to the cheerleading competition. I was feeling very pregnant this day because of having to do so much walking...walking from the car to Gallagher- Iba and walking up and down the steps in the arena was a chore. While we were there I was talking to my aunts about how "I forget that Grayson could really come at any time, but I really don't expect him to come any earlier than the 24th (when we had the csection scheduled), plus, I'm not ready yet so he CAN'T come any earlier." After the competition, Cadyn and I headed back to Tulsa. We had Trey and Amanda's wedding shower that night and I still needed to go get them a gift. Cadyn and I spent all day shopping and running errands. I was feeling pretty good, not really any different than normal.

The shower started at 7 and we arrived at the house a few minutes early so I decided to just wait in the car until a few more people showed up. While I am sitting there, I felt a small pop and a small gush down below. At first I thought, I think I just lost my plug. I tried to determine what it was, but I couldn't really tell. About that time, Dusti and CJ pulled up (THANK YOU, BABY JESUS). As I got out of my car, fluid started pouring. I yelled at Dusti "WE HAVE A BIG PROBLEM! Either I just peed myself, or my water just broke." I really wasn't sure. Dusti was in shock. She tried to help calm me down cause by this time I was just slightly freaking out. We decided to just go inside, try to pretend like nothing had happened and change clothes (good thing I had stayed the night with her the night before, so I had extra clothes in the car). She told me that I would know in like 15 minutes whether or not it was my water, because of painful contractions. I went inside, changed my clothes and when I did, I noticed a little bit of blood in my underwear (gross I know), but this was a little more of an indication that it most likely was my water. I went out and told Dusti, and she said "let's call your dr and see what he wants to do". So I called and luckily, my dr, Dr. Nilson, was the one on call that night. I had to wait a little bit for him to call me back. While, I'm waiting I went out and was talking to people, trying to act as normal as possible, but while I'm talking, more fluid is coming out and I'm soaking my other pair of pants. All the while, I am trying to get in touch with Drew who is in Arkansas working. I tried to call him and when I hung up, I had a voicemail from Dr. Nilson! I guess while I was calling Drew, Dr. Nilson was calling me, so my phone didn't even ring. He sounded very irritated in his message. "This is the 6th time this weekend that this has happened. I'll call you back". My bad. I immediately called the hospital and luckily he called me back immediately and I explained to him what happened. He told me that indeed, it does sound like my water and that I needed to go in and at least be checked out. How could this be!? My husband is out of town and I can't get in touch with him, this CAN'T be happening now!

We went in and told Trey and Amanda that we would be leaving because my water just broke and that we would keep them updated. Dusti and CJ were so great, don't know what I would have done without them there. Dusti drove me & Cadyn, while CJ drove their car. She dropped me off at the emergency room and I went in and they directed me toward labor and delivery (she asked if I wanted a wheelchair, but I was too distraught and just wanted to walk). I went up to get admitted and while they were adding my info into the computer, Drew finally called. It was 8pm by this point and he said he would get there as quickly as he could...mind you he is 4 hours away, on the job. I told him I would try to get them to wait. Since I was having a repeat c-section, I don't really see why we couldn't wait until after midnight to do this.

Within just a few minutes, I was in a room. They just looked at my pants and said "ummm you don't need to be checked if that's your water....that's definitely your water." I sent a mass text to let people know it was time and to get to the hospital. I explained to my nurse that Drew was working out of state and if we could wait until he got there, that would be great. She left the room for a while and came back and said "9:30, Dr. Nilson doesn't want to wait any longer".....it was 9, by this time...that meant I had 30 minutes! I started bawling! I NEEDED my husband there! I sent Drew a text to let him know that he wasn't going to make it. He immediately called me and calmed me down. He was upset, but we are firm believers in "everything happens in God's perfect timing" so somehow I came to terms with the fact that he was going to miss it. The nurse came back in and told me that Dr. Nilson didn't realize that Drew wasn't there and was actually willing to wait, but they had already ordered the anesthesia so it had to happen then.

They told me to choose someone to go back to the Operating Room with me, at the time Dusti and Cj were the only ones that were at the hospital, but I knew Dusti would be amazing back there. I told the nurse that if my mom got there soon, then her, but if not, then Dusti would be my "baby daddy" for the night. She went and got Dusti and got Dusti her scrubs and soon it was time to go back and meet Grayson. They had warned me that they would be taking him to the NICU after birth because he was born before 36 weeks. It's a hospital policy. I was literally 35 weeks and 6 days...it was almost 10pm by this point and so I was only 2 hours away from being 36 weeks lol.

Once we got to the OR, I got my spinal block (ouch) and got me prepped for surgery. They brought Dusti in and we were ready to go. This experience was just so different than when I had Cadyn. This was just so pleasant and fun (would have been more fun had my husband been there), Dr. Nilson is hilarious and had me laughing the whole time. The anesthesiologist was also great, he explained every little detail of what they were doing as they were getting Grayson out. In no time, I heard that little cry. What an awesome sound! They didn't show him to me right away, but I did get a glimpse of how tiny he was. They quickly whisked him off to check and make sure that everything was ok with him. They went ahead and took Dusti so she could be in there while they were getting him cleaned up. Not too much later they brought him in to show me. He looked SO PERFECT...just tiny! They said that every thing looked great so far with him, but the reason he came today was that his umbilical cord was in a knot!

If he would have stayed in there any longer there could have been MAJOR issues.

About that time Dr. Nilson says "Alright, we are going in for baby #2" lol....WHAT!? He's such a goof. He got me all stitched up and they rolled me back to my room, where a small army had taken over. I had so many friends and family there! I am so loved :)

Grayson Timothy Gillispie was born on 10-01-11, at 10:11pm, 5 lbs 11 ozs, 18 inches long at 35 weeks and 6 days gestation. Drew finally arrived to the hospital at about 12:15 am. He was able to go down to the NICU and visit him. He said he was doing great and they just wanted to keep him over night to monitor him. It was 10:30am the next morning before I was able to hold Grayson, but what an amazing experience. He was just so tiny and perfect....spitting image of his big brother :)

This csection recovery has been SO MUCH BETTER than it was with Cadyn. 2 days post pardum is about where I was 2 weeks post pardum with Cadyn. I was scared about it, but it has gone great. Besides my husband not making it to the hospital, this has a been a dream delivery and post delivery. I couldn't have asked for anything better.